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Sigh*
Monday. 12.15.08 12:51 am
damn...sigh* i havent updated this in forrrrrrever but now ill share something
there is this girl ...lets call her ...girl2
i meet girl2 thru her brother
i see her more and more often and i become good friends with girl2 over a few months
I like her but have mixed feelings because her brother is my friend ...
we used to have long long long convos
i thought she liked me too because she shared stuff that i doubt she would share with others but...sigh* im never sure
in the end of our convos she often says im selfish or something else or says im selfish but then goes on and says im not selfish obviously because of something i did... right before she goes to sleep
this drives me nuts and i like her more and more until...we stop talking ...for a week then...after a awkward convo we dont talk for another while
anyways this is like 2 weeks later....
i still see her brother all the time but i hardly see her anymore
this really destroys me inside because i expected this to happen ...
like 2months before i liked her i just finished wasting my time because of a crush on another girl...girl1
I spent nights not sleeping; thinking over every single detail about girl1... in the end i get my heart crushed
since im religious im always thinking that god is telling me something...iunno anyways girl2 is sooo similar to girl1 that i thought o wow is god showing me something???
I think life just repeats because this is so similar to the situation with girl1 and i went for it even tho i told myself...never again...
anyways so im always excited when i talk to her(girl2) or see her except when she is with another guy...(im hecka jealous even though i guess i shouldnt be)
anyways i was supposed to volunteer with her but my laziness got the better of me and i ended missing the date to hand in my form...
so i want to visit her while she is volunteering but i search everywhere the first day and i dont see her until i have to go...so i leave just saying hi
she used to smile whenever she saw me but now her face just seems worried..
the next day i go back(she doesnt know im going) and i see my friend
he is there because he was going to skate with his girlfriend(his gf is friends with girl2) but his gf skated already
so i hang around with him while being on the look out for her... while getting skates i see her and another guy=[ awkward..
so my friend n i get our skates and go skate around. we both cant figure out who the guy is but we see them on the ice a few minutes after us. We find my friend's gf while we are skating around and see her with a camera...not focused at us but ...behind us...guess what? they are skating while holding hands behind us! raWr
we guess this is her new bf...i wish he isn't but...i guess my wishes are meaningless and selfish
before they leave we see them again and we talk to her while he wanders around
...after talking a bit we say goodbye and she leaves with him

i act like nothing is wrong every day but...it doesnt work at night
sigh*
i used to love dreaming but now every time i dream about us i wake up
and die a little more each time
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
we end up believing in nothing and having worthless dreams . . .

someone asked me a few days ago: how come there are no guys who arent asses and are single and all the good guys are taken?
my reply now would be ...because all the guys who arent asses and are single are too busy getting their hearts ripped in half by life
the good guys are taken because they are lucky enough to not get their heart crushed by a girl and know that they must stick with the girl they love and wont destroy their heart because finding another girl like that would be way too rare

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